I have always been intrigued by BALROG the mythical creature in The Lord of the Ring that has along rich history throughout middle earth BUT we only catch a small glimpse when Gandalf confronts the Balrog to save his friends but also to save all of Middle Earth if the Balrog would escape Moria.
Balrog is a metaphor for me and the “monster” that lives inside me that sometimes takes over my habits and leads me to self-destruction. The last few days have been a real eye opener for myself and the work that I need to continue to do on my immediate habits but also the triggers that lead me away from health on well being. The willingness to not only stray from just healthy eating but to binge away on food to try and meet some emotional need or craving is sad and always amazing at the sometime.
I am sitting here today after 3-4 days of binge eating, even after my best intentions and the feelings have towards myself are not negative rather it is good to see this destructive side present itself in full glory to help understand and create a plan to defeat it. To keep with the Balrog metaphor, the Balrogs fell asleep deep in the mountains and the dwarves woke the one in the LOTR while digging for mithril and this is what it felt like for the weight loss, my Balrog was sleeping. The question becomes: How to learn to stand like Gandalf and stand in good faith to try will all my intelligence and bravery to defeat my inner Balrog.
Is it just pure self discipline?
Is it creating alternative triggers and habits that lead me to health not away from it?
I will admit that I have always binge eaten for as long as I can remember so these habits are powerful and require real planning to defeat.